Return to Me
by Kiriashicha
Summary: [Rebels of the Heaven] Lately, she couldn't stop thinking about him... Hoping he would return... [WangMei]


_Well, here we go... My very first fanfiction for Rebels of the Heavenly Kingdom! Now, before we get started, ownership of the novel and characters belongs to Katherine Paterson. Now we can get started!_

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'It has been many suns and moons... I have lost count of the days it has been since they have left... My brothers... Chu and... the young boy from Hunan... Little brother... Pigboy... Kuang... Wang Lee...  
Since he entered the kingdom, I have struggled with his name... Though Wang is forbidden to him, Pigboy is an insult... But, he didn't grasp the title of Kuang when offered to him... Due to that, I had merely addressed him as Little Brother. However, I often wonder to myself... Is that a proper title for him? Not in terms of the kingdom, but... For myself... Is Little Brother what I should adress him as?  
When he first entered the kingdom, that was the correct title for him, but... Lately, my thoughts of him have uncontrollably... changed...'

". . .Little sister? Mei Lin?" San-niang's voice interrupted my thoughts.

My eyes widened slightly as I turned to face her, lying awake in bed. "Oh, commander... What is the matter?"

"Are you well?" she questioned. "Your mind seems to be wondering..."

"...I'm fine..." My voice sounded weak and unsure...

"Are you sure? ..." She then placed her left hand between her breasts, where the idol of the Elder Brother remained hidden. Her eyes seemed to water in sadness. ... "Are you sure that this cursed illness hasn't spread to you...?"

I shook my head and placed my hand on her own. I then tried to smile reassuringly. "No... Please, lay down your heart, sister... This is just something... In my own heart..."

San-niang's desperate gaze remained for a moment, followed be hoarse coughs. I quickly grabbed the damp cloth that I had kept next to me, and slowly stroked her forehead. This was the only thing I knew to do, for the cause of her illness was undetermined. After many strokes, San-niang drifted to sleep. I couldn't help but loose my train of thought while I stared down at her...

'...She seems so peaceful and innocent when she's asleep... Just like him...'

---

_"Little sister!_

_I turned away from my horse at the sound of a familiar voice. It was Chu, running toward me in a worried pace. "Yes, brother? What troubles you?"_

_"Our little brother is still asleep on the bank..." was his answer, and I knew he was referring to Wang Lee._

_"Is that so? Well, don't trouble yourself with him. I'll stay with him. It's late, so you should go and sleep..."_

_"Very well, then." he nodded. "Good night, Mei Lin." _

_I nodded back, then I walked toward Wang Lee. I noticed him lying near the river, and how innocent he looked. Suddenly, unable to control myself, I fell to my knees to get a better view of his face. He was snoring quietly, and I gently stroked his face. Suddenly, he moaned slightly, an action which made me quickly take back my hand. Tiredly, he opened his eyes and faced me._

_"M... Mei Lin?"_

_"Little brother, you must come back before you are missed." I managed to remain calm..._

_"I was very tired..." he groaned._

_"Yes, that is why Chu sent me. I have the horse."_

_"It is not right . . ." he began to protest..._

_"Here, let me help you." I inturupted as I pulled his wet trousers over his legs. "Can you stand?"_

_"Of course." he answered, but fell to the ground in a failed attempt._

_Looking at him in sympathy, I held him up with my upper arms and from behind him tied the string of of his trousers quickly. He droped to the ground in slight pain. I pulled him up to a sitting position and began to thread the sleeves of his tunic onto his arms, and he helped as best as he could. He began to awaken to reality once again as I leaned close to him in order to wrap his sash about his waist. It was then I noticed how close we were..._

_'Oh... What is this feeling? My heart is beating so quickly... Little brother... Could it be...?' Then, without warning, his head turned to a side position in a lazy manner, and I could fell his cool breath against my ear. I felt my face turn warm, and I vilently closed my eyes, trying to ignore it. I tried to quicken my pase with the sash, as I silently prayed that he didn't notice my reaction. Finally, I finished.  
__As I sighed in slight relief, I offered him a ride him on my stead, but he said he would walk. I wanted to argue, but decided to remain silent..._

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'Oh...' I thought when awoken from my memory. 'Why did that happen? Could it be... lewdness? Oh, God, no... Please no... That would mean... The seventh law...'

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_After a long mixture of celebration for victory and grieving of Feng's death, I managed to find my way out of the crowd and to Wang Lee. I noticed he had been crying..._

_"There, there." I began sympathetically, simply resting my hand on his head, because I was still on my horse. "He would not have us mourn..." After a moment of silence, I took back my hand. "..And yet how can I keep my soul from grief. My teacher is dead. I prayed that the High God would let me die in his place. But God did not listen to me. Why didn't He listen to me?"_

_"I asked that your life be sparred." Little brother answered in a whisper. His face seemed to be buried in my horse's fur._

_My eyes widdened for a moment, before I was filled with anger. I eased off of the beast and faced him sternly. "What right do you have to pray such a prayer?" My voice was cold and demanding._

_"No right."_

_"And why should the High God listen to you and not to me?" I continued._

_"I do not know."_

_"He is dead." I noticed that his spirit was breaking at the sound of my voice, but I had to speak my mind. "Feng is dead. Who will teach us now? How could you understand? He was my true father, my true elder brother, my true . . . I saved his life once, twice... Why was I not allowed to save it a third time? And you dare pray for my miserable life. What is my life to you?"_

_He remained quiet for a moment, still not facing me. "You... you are my teacher. And you have saved my life... and . . ."_

_"And?"_

_"I cannot say it."_

_"Say it." I demanded._

_"I cannot say it without sinning," was his reply as he shook his head in shame._

_"If it is in your heart, the sin is already there."_

_"I pray for your life," he managed, "because it is my heart's treasure."_

_"Because you are my younger brother." I nodded, finally understanding him... Or so I thought..._

_"No."_

_"I don't understand you."_

_I could see his hands changing to fist as his body trembled. After more silence, he finally faced me, his face now blood red. "Why is it so strange that I should desire you?" he began, his voice loud and desperate. "You are more lovely than the Kingdom."_

_I couldn't believe it. So that was how he felt toward me... My eyes were large, and my heart was pounding. For what felt like an entire age, I found myself unable to speak. However, his gaze was now fixed upon me, and I had to break the silence, despite the pressure. "No, no." As quickly as possible, I mounted on the horse, which seemed to shake from beneath me. "No. God forgive you. Go and wash and beg mercy." With this, I forced the beast away in a fast pace..._

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Once again, I awoken from yet another memory... of him... I sighed as I looked down to the floor... 'Little brother... How could it have ended up like this? I accused you of committing sin, but... Here I am, in the same condition... How could I be so selfish?' Slowly, tears filled my eyes.. 'How... How could I not see how I felt? If only... If only I knew... before you and big brother left, I... I would've told you... But now... All I can do is pray.. Pray to God that someday I'll have that chance... Pray that you'll... return to me...'

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_Well, there was my very first fanfiction for Rebels of the Heavenly Kingdom! Loved it? Hated it? Please let me know by reviewing!_


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